hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
