The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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