I could make wine with my vomit
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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