Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
