I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
