I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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