I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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