I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
