I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize