Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
