i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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