pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
