420 ftw
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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