Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
