thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
