She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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