We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
