mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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