Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
