Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
