i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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