Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
