Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
