he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
