After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I still have a little drunk in my system
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
