Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
