He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
