He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
