what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
