pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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