I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
