Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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