i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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