DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
