I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
