The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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