Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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