Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
