you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
