We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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