I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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