it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
