I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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