I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
