did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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