i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
