Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
