You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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