Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
