I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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