People in love make me want to vomit
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
