Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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