Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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