Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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