my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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