I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
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Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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