Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
