i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
