Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need help removing her.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
