You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
