I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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