she looked like the before picture.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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