So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize