dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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