She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
