So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
