Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
