We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
