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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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