One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
